Wake up, slightly sore but feeling awesome.
10:35 AM to 6:03 PM - Location unkonwn
Future housewife's work. Being single makes me burn about 12-15 hours/week on ironing (and laundry), dish washing, bed making, bathroom cleaning, general cleaning, organizing, cooking and just plain figuring out what in the world I'm supposed to be doing. So when I get married, it'll save me approximately 750 hours/year... time that my golf game could really use (I'm just kidding... sort of, but not really... we'll see)
6:04 PM - NW Portland
Heading out to house church for Solid Rock.
6:35 PM - NW Portland
Arrived at the house church. Surprisingly met a couple pastors there, quite cool fellows. The coolest people I met though... one was definitely the pastor's son. He's probably 14 years old but a totally awesome kid. Crazy questions and crazy stories... reminds me of myself.
7:05 PM - NW Portland
Ate a nice potluck dinner, I had about 5 bites cause I'd eaten right before going. Got to chat it up with a lady and her husband. They both traveled around the mid-west a little bit and have some great ideas about how the church can be active in the community.
8:15 PM - NW Portland
White elephant party, I love them! So much drama without the after-drama. I saw the third person in line get a French press, which is like gold at a white elephant... not to mention gold among Christians (symbolic sense of course), making it double gold at a Christian white elephant gift exchange. We'll just refer to this man as "Frenchie"... no way Frenchie is holding onto it right? Keep in mind there's like 70-75 people there.
8:16 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie gets his gift stolen from him. That sucks, but come on... we all saw it coming.
8:17 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie picks a new gift and unwraps... another French press!
8:20 PM - NW Portland
Press #1 gets stolen again. Now that it has been stolen twice and is now rated as "not stealable"
8:24 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie gets press #2 stolen from him. The rule of "no steal backs" will keep him from stealing the original one back. Sucks for you Frenchie!
8:25 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie unwraps an unprecedented third French press! I'm laughing so uncontrollably that I need a time-out.
8:28 PM - NW Portland
Time-in. Now, a real French girl (like so fresh from France that you could smell the bleu cheese) sitting next to me (that's how I knew she smelled like bleu cheese :-P) got up to grab a gift. Forsaking her country's greatest invention (behind crepes, democracy, existentialism, and the menage a trois - source: Jean Girard), and in return getting... a vacuum cleaner. Not just any vacuum, but one that does wet mopping at the same time. Don't ask me how it works, but that's just what the pictures imply on the package.
8:30 PM - NW Portland
*thoughts: So there's been like 20 people that have gone so far, I'm number 39... I can't believe I'm so far away from picking. That vacuum cleaner looks pretty neat. Too bad I don't have a wife to use it. I guess I could try to use it, but my putting game sucks so bad right now. I wonder if stealing it would make it easier to find someone that could use it... hmmm... maybe I should just steal press #3 even though I wouldn't use it... at least it'd be funny and I do like funny... let me sneak a peak at this vacuum cleaner... not bad! How in the world did it make it into a $5 limit white elephant? That's gotta be a must steal! Alright, I'm gonna go for it... when it's my turn of course.
8:35 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie still has his press, but a coffee loving girl starts walking towards him. She gets closer, could this be... and she turns the other way to grab an unopened gift! What does she find? A reusable/earth friendly coffee cup! She's just found the equivalent to a diamond at a Christian white elephant gift exchange in Portland! Oh man... can't believe it! This just gets better and better! She's so excited because she knows what she got. I get intrigued because I'm quite sure this is now the best gift available.
8:50 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie is still holding onto #3. Earth friendly coffee cup has attracted little to no interest. I'm circling above like a hawk in the sky.
*thoughts: Wow, I don't know what to take... that coffee cup would be useful, and I don't think anybody else is looking at it... but the vacuum cleaner is probably the best gift available... maybe I could regift it to ***edited out***
9:02 PM - NW Portland
Frenchie still holding onto the press, all the coffee drinkers must've already picked. It's finally my turn and so I make up my mind... I get up and... *poke*.... wait... nada... *poke*.... wait.... more nada... *poke* "Ehem... I am going to steal your gift"... nada... "I'm stealing your gift!"... *she sadly turns over the coffee cup*
9:05 PM - NW Portland
Proud that I have the coffee cup, I go back into my place and enjoy checking it out on my own. This is fancy, ceramic and everything! Double-walled... rubber top... I would definitely use this! I'm quite proud of what I've got :-)
9:10 PM - NW Portland
Still proud of my gift, I am watching the show from my spot when suddenly... a girl does more than just glance over... yeah I know that look. gotten it a million times... this is horrible... I start looking for the nearest exit, but can't bring myself to leave because it's so dishonorable.
9:12 PM - NW Portland
Currently on edge... I've come to recognize "the look" from when I was just a young buck. Yes, that's right! Girls are always wanting something from me... winks, smiles, conversation, ideas, style tips, my body, and now my coffee cup. I'm normally pretty good with giving people what they want... but not this time!
9:13 PM - NW Portland
I decide that it's best to try to hide. I got it, I'll play with this little kid running around behind this group of people standing. So I start playing with her (she's about 12-14 months old, she could run but didn't speak) and it was a blast because kids have such great uninhibited personality... something I need to do more (act without inhibitions).
9:22 PM - NW Portland
My greatest fears are confirmed. The girl that was checking me out earlier came over to find me. She has no difficulty asking me for my coffee cup... I hand it to her with my business card... I tell her, "I knew you were going for it, so here... I hope you enjoy it... call me if you ever want to get rid of it." So I don't actually have a business card, but maybe I should get one for moments like this. Anyhow, she told me about how happy and excited she was... she definitely didn't hide it. If I made her day, then great... it's a small price to pay to be someone's hero right?
9:23 PM - NW Portland
Looking for a gift, I didn't see any of the new stuff pop out cause i was busy hiding. As I go to pick a new gift, the moderator points to a woman sitting on the stairs. He whispers, "I don't think she likes her shirt she got. She doesn't surf and it looks too big for her, you should take it from her." So of course I take the shirt... I look at it and it reads, "Life is better when you surf." Except I don't surf... well, I tried surfing once... and I definitely got kicked out Blue Crush style, without the surfer babe... yeah horrible experience. It's alright, they probably saved my life that day anyways.
Note: surfing in a thunderstorm at sunset cliffs = bad idea for newbie surfer that even has trouble snorkeling
9:35 PM - NW Portland
Second to last person picks and she... oh really... steals French press #3 from Frenchie! Wow, he just can't catch a break. It's alright buddy, I've just come to terms that I am stuck with this semi-awesome shirt... which I'll wear to the gym tomorrow to see how cool the shirt is.
9:37 PM - NW Portland
I figure that I now have a dilemma...
1. Do I start surfing to claim consistency between my life and the shirts I wear?
2. Do I just wear the shirt anyways because I once paddled out into the ocean only to get kicked out?
3. Do I just regift the shirt to ***edited out***
9:40 PM - NW Portland
Which of the following is a CORRECT statement for the above listed time:
I. Everyone is packing up to leave
II. One girl walks up to me and tells me how strong and brave I was to give up the coffee cup.
III. Shyly, I pretend like it's no big deal.
IV. Then I sneak a glare at the girl that stole my coffee cup.
A. I only
B. I and IV only
C. I, II, and III only
D. I, II, and IV only
E. All of the above
9:48 PM - NW Portland
I drive myself home, trying to use my new smartphone while driving... bad idea! I'll stick to acting behind the wheel the same way I act at the urinal... keeping my eyes on the road.
Note: It is only later that I start to think that the lady I took the shirt from is the wife of the moderator dude... how rigged!!! Whatever, my life is better now (because I surf).
Answer to 9:40 PM = A. I only
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