The Way of the Plunger

It is hard to admit, but yes, I own a plunger.  For those of you that have been to my place, you probably haven't seen it.  This is because it is hidden in a dark corner of one of my closets, wrapped in a plastic bag of course.  Embarrassing isn't it?  It is for me, because it's worse than admitting that you poop; it's like declaring to the world that your poop is borderline disastrous, or else you wouldn't need a plunger right?  I eat my veggies and drink enough water better than most, but I still need to plunge from time to time.  Because I know that I need it, I'm sure a good deal of the people reading this need a plunger once in a blue moon as well.  For those of you in denial, you certainly have to read on, because I'm going to train you all in "The Way of the Plunger".

First things first, how to prevent a situation that might lead to needing a plunger:

     1. Eat your vegetables

     2. Drink plenty of water

     3. Use bidet's 

     4. If option 3 is unavailable: 

          4a. Use single-ply toilet paper  

          4b. Break up the toilet paper into individual squares

     5. Poop in somebody else's toilet and leave before they find out about it

If a potential clog exists:

     1. Don't panic

     2. If the water level rises, let it sit a little while... it may flush on its own. Do NOT be a hero and flush again

     3. Decide if plunging is necessary

When you decide that a plunger is the best option:

     1. Obtain a plunger

     2. Pray to God for help

     3. Insert plunger into toilet bowl against drainage portion

     4. Make sure there is water filled beneath the plunger, as a pocket of air can sometimes be present.

     5. Slowly but surely, plunge!  It should feel like a pump for CPR

     6. This is the tricky part, if there is a strong blockage, you must plunge again.  Be careful not to plunge too hard, or you may need a mop as well

Advanced plunging technique, for the toughest of blockades:

      Note: If you know you are dealing with a level 5 blockade, more power is necessary.  If you're like me, you don't want to resort to chemicals or plumbing professionals.  This is section is NOT for the weak.

      1. After a plunge, the water will sway back towards your plunger, let it push your plunger back up

      2. As the water is about to drop back due to gravity, plunge again!

      3. Repeat until unclogged

After you're done, sit back and open up an ice cold beer :-)