The Klamath Story Part 1: You can take the girl out of the trailer park

I'm a little skeptical when I hear people making statements that automatically limit an individual's potential for change.  So being the curious fellow that I am, I thought I would investigate this matter myself.  How could I do this you might ask?  Well, it's very elementary my dear friends... I could simply see if the opposite holds true: Can you take the boy out of the city, but not the city out of the boy?

So I decided that I would model this study after scientific studies.  Here we go with the study outline:

1. Observation: You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.  Britney Spears moved from the dirty south to Hollywood.  Despite living in Hollywood, well... you know the rest :-P

2. Hypothesis: If you take a city boy outside of the city, he might lose a little bit of that snazz.

3. Methods: Move Phil from downtown high-rise condo in Portland to a small town far away without the influence of a big city (such as Chiloquin; and NO, Klamath Falls doesn't count as a big city).  Place Phil inside a single-wide trailer for 6 weeks and observe what happens.  During this time, Phil will only be allowed to shop at Wal-Mart.  Monitoring will continue for the 6 weeks to assess for potential changes that may result from a change in scenery.
Subjective monitoring includes: mood and activities
Objective measurements that will be taken include: Cans of trailer-associated-beer (TAB) consumed (defined as: Coors, Keystone, Budweiser, Miller, Pabst, Milwaukie's Best, or Busch), total number of empty beer cans hit into yard from top of trailer by golf club, cigarettes smoked, gunshots fired in the air in a drunken rage, total days without showering, total days of exclusive wife-beater wearing, and children born that I don't know if Phil was the father of or not.
Periods of leave will be given to the patients to maintain sanity as needed.  This study is to be conducted at a single institution known as: Chiloquin, OR.  One patient has been enrolled and will be followed for 6 weeks.  There will be no placebo control group for this study.

The patient is described as male (10/10), asian(2/10), handsome(7/10), average height (5'10"), normal build (162 lbs), intelligent (5/10), witty(8/10), fashionable (6/10), sexy (1/10), and single (10/10).  Points were assigned based on lab values and  public polls.

A 'before' picture has been taken of that patient:


4. Results (study in progress; )

5. Discussion (study in progress)

6. Conclusion (study in progress)

7. For the heck of it here's some more Britney Spears pictures: